I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
