i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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