he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
