he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
