my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I believe in your delicious
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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