Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
