So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
