We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Houston, we have a blender
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
