I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
