apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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