this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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