i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
