She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
