I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
