I CAN MOONWALK!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
