she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
