I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
