fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
