I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
