what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
