Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
