Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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