So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
