im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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