Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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