I can text with my tongue
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
