I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
