Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
