The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
