i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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