Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
