You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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