Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
