You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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