Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
