Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
