a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
