Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
