SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
