last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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