Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
