i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
