Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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