I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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