I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
