I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you traded sex for a burrito?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
