Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
