This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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