Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
