I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
