In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
