That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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