What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
