Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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