I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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