I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
