As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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