Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
