bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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