genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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