I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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