I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
