I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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