Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
