well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
