turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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