You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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