I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
