it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
