her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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