I didn't shave. On purpose
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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