he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So apparently I’m into choking now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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