we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
