his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
