we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You may now shotgun with the bride
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
